We can make it better.

I feel pretty great today, even though the day is over and it is 3.29am I dunno.  I’ve cleared my conscience today and have fixed things with people, I have apologised to the people I have let down lately, not only apologise but actually mean it.  Don’t get me wrong, if I apologise to someone I mean it but this felt different… It was like an instant load was off my shoulders.

I don’t like letting you down or making you feel bad… Things just get a little too much sometimes and the only way I deal is cutting myself off. That’s not a good thing or any excuse, it’s just the way I am unfortunately but hey, maybe I can change that.

I think today (Thursday) is going to be amazing… I can feel it.  Maybe it is because I am going to Puggs, I need a good night out.  A night out of drinking and laughing with mates.  Hopefully it is amazing…

Make it amazing please?

Now you're gone, there's like an echo in my head.

I don’t know, I really don’t.

Don’t you hate it when your stuck mentally, like, you can’t get a thought out of your head no matter how hard you try? I must have come off as a complete jerk and I hate that, I don’t want people seeing me that way… I don’t mean it, I honestly don’t.  Sometimes I just get so stuck in that place that nothing else matters around me, it consumes me in a way and I get tunnel vision.

I try to smile though, especially tonight… I did try really hard to smile and pretend everything was ok, for you, for me and everyone else, even if I was screaming on the inside… Man, if you only knew how much I was freaking out on the inside.  The only thing I could do was detach myself and be cold.  You cant take that personally, please don’t.  I’m not a bad person, I’m just taking each day as it comes and yeah, it was a bad day.  Tomorrow will be better but today was bad and I accepted that and wanted to feel that… Sure it hurts, it hurts so much that sometimes I think I could explode.  Just don’t judge me till you have walked in my shoes.

The truth is… It’s tough and I will let you down.

Sorry.  Don’t hate me.

You don't like me... You just want the attention.

Today has been another great day, I can’t say that I’ve been productive but hey it’s the weekend so give me a break.  I have been listening to amazing tunes all day and have been in an odd mood, a good odd… So if you got obnoxious messages that made no sense whatsoever from me, I am really sorry.

Tonight has been nice, I have been watching Michael Jackson specials on all the music channels and just vegging out on the laptop sprawled out on the couch.  Had some silly conversations with people too, especially Rachel, oh my gosh that girl comes out with the oddest things that make me laugh so hard.

I’ve been listening to La Roux all night too, which is pretty much my new obsession, I’ve been waiting for an album like that for a while now so I am pretty stoked.  I really want to go to Park Life this year, I mean not only cos La Roux is going to be there, but because it’s going to be an amazing line up this year… So if anyone wants to come with me let me know and i’ll get some tickets… I can’t miss it.

I got a text from Adrian which bummed me out, I kinda really wanted to go to Ballarat this weekend but thought it was a little unfair because Adrian and Aaron haven’t hung out, just the two of them in a while and though they both said they really wanted me there I thought it would be better for me to give it a miss and let them have a rad time.  So, yeah I got a text from Adrian… completely unreadable which means they are drunk and are having a great time… bummed me out cos’ I want to be out having fun.  I sound lame I know, I just paused to laugh at myself.  I dunno, it just feels like… actually I’m not going to say that, never mind.

Hope everyone is having an amazing weekend.

Argh tonight has been so chill, it’s nice to have some alone time, not that I dont love people being around me… I actually really love that but tonight it was nice to sit around, listen to some epic and nerdy tunes and watch SpongeBob.

I do feel a little bad though, Adrian and Aaron want me to go to Ballarat tomorrow for the night… I said no, for a few reasons, nothing negative or bad, I mean I love Aaron, Ballarat and obviously Adrian but yeah… They will have a rad time without me.

I am Happy. <3