Set List

Taking a little break at the moment, working out some form of set list, don’t know how final it will be but it will be nice to have some structure and rutine to our rehearsals.

Trying to work out whats going on with my voice, it isnt holding up to well… No idea if the air conditioning has something to do with it but it’s pretty frustrating for me… I mean if i cant hold my own now, how am I suposed to last in a sweaty pub? I don’t know, just a little insecure at the moment. Back to work!

Little Update

So I know I’m being slack yet again with updates but in my defence I’ve been busy… Though now I’ve finally got my BlackBerry working again, I’ll be able to update allot more.
Hubba Hubba

Take only what you need?

I don’t know how I feel right now to be honest, yesterday should have been amazing, it should have been everything I wanted and hoped for, I thought I deserved that.  Uh apparently not, I missed out on the job, my dream job.

I actually had the job, if I went in when I was originally meant to, things never really go to plan though, I mean, I ask a favor… I’d say a small favor but I guess that really depends on who you ask, asking the favor is one thing and people saying ‘yeah I will help you’ but having people follow through is another thing I guess, I probably sound like I am bitching people out and no, I am not doing that… At all.  The thing is, I am feeling really shattered and really low, that’s all it comes down to really, I’ve been let down too many times lately and the truth is I’m so drained from it all… Its exhausting, especially after working so hard with no recognition, I don’t expect recognition… But this time I really thought I deserved a little and was so proud of myself.

Having no sleep adds to this… Heightened emotions.  I wanted to sleep all day, productive I know, and, I couldn’t even do that.  So I’ve had 4 hours sleep and have been sitting around feeling like shit all day.  I know.  I sound dramatic, honestly I can’t help it though… This is something I really wanted and deserved…

This is something I wont get over easily…

Feel.

3.40pm

Even though I have finished the main bulk of these shots, there is still so much work to be done getting my book ready and sorted for my interview Tuesday.  I’m starting to get both nervous and excited, I think I have a really good chance with it all and honestly I’d be so stoked if I got this job, so many worries will be lifted… I’d actually be genuinely happy for once.  Dream job at 25.

Still a long day ahead of me, no time for rest.

Alone?

I finally got that sleep I was dreaming of, not by choice though.  I have to say thanks though, no one has really hurt me that bad in a long time, thanks for reminding me why I dont trust and rely on people… Mostly though, thanks for reminding me of how alone I really am.  Sure that sounds cynical, I know that… but what do you expect.  I do everything for people, lets face it, if it were you who needed me last night I would have been there.  Even with all this work, I would have made the time for you… It was only an hour.

I’ve accepted it though… And the scars? Well they will always remind me.

Thus ends my vent, back to work…  Dont hate me.

I miss you so much.

Been trying so hard to stay productive and keep my eye on the job but that’s a little hard when I have a million other things going on at once… And it’s not like I really ask for much, all I wanted was some time alone to work and a little time to chill out with mates but looks like once again, I miss out.  Sounds dramatic I know but it’s true, I drop everything for people and it’s like right now no-one will even give me half an hour of their time.  Makes me fucking angry to be honest.

I dunno, I just need some time to decompress and not worry… Tomorrow is going to be insanely hard.  Fathers Day… Fathers Day without my Nonno.  I’m getting all anxious just thinking about it.  I try not to talk about the negatives with him not being around anymore, I try to remember the positives and reminisce about all the good times and there are so many, but, right now it hurts.  It hurts like hell not having him around doing something random and quirky making me smile… Is that selfish?  It’s going to be really tough but I’m sure my friends will be great and I know Adrian will chill for a bit and make me laugh and cheer me up.

I miss you Nonno <3